Breakdown … On dealing with criticism…

I don't want it

I don’t want it

I find it tough to take criticism, especially from dear ones. It takes long time to get over it. We are ready to share our deepest sorrows and of course the happiness with our dear ones but not criticism.

When a person is not meant for us much, we can pay deaf ear to him/ her( – though not immediately) when they criticize. What if the person who knows us very well, who means a lot to us, criticizes? hmmm… Mostly that means there is a correction to be done on our end but they should have chosen a gentle way to make us understand.

The truth is, our dear ones feel they have every right to correct us.  They may completely forget   that they need to be gentle while correcting us.And I wish I could understand this well when it comes to reality.. 🙂

Release Me… ..

Message from raindrops...

Message from raindrops…

Another evening, my mind is constantly reminded to focus on writing. These days, I am lacking words. Trying hard to write, to write about anything. Don’t know where I lost my passion to pen down my ideas or for my writing. I neither stopped looking at the freshly pressed blogs nor following my favourite bloggers.  A few really inspire me to blog but by the time I arrange to sit down with pen and a fresh book or a blank text pad file on my laptop, interest to write just flies away. I don’t feel motivated. May be I am being hard on myself, trying for something perfect.

Today it was very cloudy in the evening and couldn’t step outside as it seemed it may rain anytime. Of course, in a few minutes it started pouring. The raindrops hitting on my windowpane beckoned me to listen to them.

I looked down from my window and noticed rain drops that came shooting on to my windowpane as though crying to hear them fell uncertain and were absorbed into the ground. Like every moment in life that passes by sinks in our mind like memory.

I felt, like the clouds up above, I have to release my words too. I want them come as they wish not anything perfect and want them to take plunge into my blogs. May be like a few drops in an ocean.

Definitely I am scared that I am running out of time. Say, I could read only 5 books this year, if I am the same in the coming years I may just read around 200 books in my lifetime. Oh My God, that’s alarming as I want to read MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY books..

Thanks for the DP Challenge, the topic inspired me very much. Now no more looking back, as I want to release many blogs, as many as raindrops on a rainy day. 🙂

The Wish… (Part 1)

World means nothing without you.

I’m going to receive my first pay, after a long time. And ‘m happier when compared to the day I got my first salary at the age of 20. That day I know I will remember each and every moment along with its date- Jan 31st 1952. I did my first job as a clerk in a government office, in Mumbai-India. And I offered my first salary to the God as my mother told. After 50 years, I ‘m again awaiting my first pay but today ‘m longing to have proper meal with that money.  After straining every nerve since morning, I find it tough to stand on my 70 year old legs.  I‘m working for some construction works, as a daily wage worker. Currently standing in front of my owner’s office; which is right on the main road. There are four people in the queue ahead of me and another two behind to collect the wages. My stomach is growling with hunger. I can sense that the person behind me can listen to the noises in my stomach as he was looking at my belly and face. Not sure where I will go to have my food tonight. Wherever be it, it’s going to be a feast. I was pushed by some person on road and ‘m brought back to reality.

Since the owner is receiving continuous calls, the queue is moving slow. Seeing the people around, I realized ‘m actually overjoyed. After waiting for almost an hour in queue finally my turn has come. As though my father bought a balloon when I was a kid or I ‘m on trip to the mountains (which I like the most), happily received the pay. I wish I could share this happiness with someone. I looked at the sky and tried to find the gleaming eyes of my wife in those shining stars.

Its 8 P.M, where to go? I know I can’t head to a five star hotel with the 350 bucks that ‘m carrying. But as I looked at my tattered clothes, I felt even if I step into any decent hotel, they may as well call me to come from rear entrance to offer leftover food. I was looking at every possible hotel to have dinner. I found a vendor preparing Dosai (made out of rice and black gram batter) on a moving cart. I asked for 3 dosas and mentioned I may need more. For which the vendor said, “As many you want, provided you can pay for them all”. I noticed people having dosas sitting on the big rocks which are randomly spread at the side of the moving cart. I too joined them and had my dinner. I went back to the same slum to sleep in my cozy shed. As its cold outside, I thanked myself for buying a blanket and pair of clothes, with whatever money I had till yesterday.

During night, I dreamed about my wife. In the dream, my wife Zahra is still in her mid-forties, she looked very beautiful with her bright smile in the reflection of moon light. She was definitely happy and wishing for something looking at the sky. I can only see but couldn’t hear anything, not even I could listen to the breeze that was blowing her hair, crisscrossing her face. At the end of the dream, from her lip-movement I could make out that she said, “World means nothing without you”. I woke up suddenly from my dream. I know I can’t sleep anymore. I had to question myself why ‘m I alive in my 70s? I have neither wife nor children and not even a house. The memories of childhood, the early days after wedding, and the affection of my wife flashed in front of my eyes. But the recent floods washed away my priceless possessions, my wife and my house in which every room and every wall reflects the remembrances. May be I can re-build the house but it can never be the same, hence I dropped the idea of going back to my place. I felt there is some purpose for this living-life, as I’m driving myself to live in spite of a lacklustre routine.

Next day onwards I started working in the first shift, so I started my day quite early, at 7:00 A.M. Had my breakfast at the same moving cart and headed to work, reached the work area at 7:30 A.M. I’m involved in counting and carrying the bricks from the truck and stacking them at the construction site. I have three more people with me who are doing similar job. Out of the other three folks, a person is of my age. We instantly became friends, when we met yesterday as we had common topics to discuss, nothing personal that we shared till now. And in the afternoon he asked if I would like to visit his house for lunch. When I was hesitating a bit, he mentioned that, I can pay for my food. His wife provides food services taking money, to the workers during afternoons. I went there and had proper meal and got back to work. I worked for a few more hours and started back to home at 3:30 P.M after collecting daily wage.

My home as I said before is a small shed, which I’m sharing with two other young folks. These folks found me at the flooded area and decided to help me. I came along with them to live in this small town called Ajra which even belongs to Maharashtra.  Once I reach home, I sit and relax on a wrecked chair, watching the people on market-road from the window. I don’t know from when but I started waiting for the evenings, just to get a glimpse of Zahra in my dreams. If I don’t get sleep I feel desperate that I may miss to meet her in my dreams. More than the dream, I want to decipher those spoken-but-not-heard words of her. When I go to bed, I can feel my wife’s hand around me and touch of right leg over mine. At times, after I sleep I could listen to her whispering – “World means nothing without you”.

The routine went on. And after a month, one day my manager at work called me, asking if I would like to go to town and work. As the construction work here, is almost coming to an end and a new project is starting in Kerla- Thekkady(South India). I was skeptical to accept, but I said yes. In a weeks’ time I ‘m travelling in a bus to reach Thekkady. With the address in hand, I went on foot to find the Construction Site. The construction site is near to the Lake and I really liked it at the first site. I joined my co-workers and started working from day one. One night I noticed, I stopped dreaming about my wife after coming to this new place, which made me feel very lonely. I happened to meet a new friend here by name Ashok. Ashok is 15 years old, who was also working along with me in the construction work and goes to school in the night for his studies. Recently his parents passed away which brought him here. Though his Uncle and Aunt were ready to support, he wanted to live independently. We both were working for the same apartment’s construction and were let to stay under the roof of partially constructed flat.  At times we both go to enjoy the Lake view in the evenings after dinner and from there Ashok leaves to his night school. After he leaves, I remain gazing at the stars and trying to break the mystery of my dream.

One day in our room, I dozed off watching the stars and without closing the doors and windows. Next morning I was caught with fever. I couldn’t work for next two days. Ashok took care of me, as though ‘m his grand pa; always helping and asking me if I need something. Still I felt and very lonely. I was angry with Zahra, angry as she left me alone, angry as she doesn’t visit me anymore in my dreams, angry as I find it tough to live without her. Though I recovered from fever in two days, I had trouble in getting back to my work. After a few days, I again got a dream. But this time, I could see myself alone staring at the sky intently. I was so engrossed watching it, as I could see Zahra’s face in the Moon. She was calling me and wanted me to come along with her for a boat ride. At last I could listen to her voice, which said- “will you please come home early today?” And the clouds slowly swept the Moon due to which I woke up suddenly shouting Zahra’s name. Ashok came to me running, comforting that everything is fine.

I kept thinking about the dream until next morning. And then slowly I recalled an incident from our past. During our mid-forties, Zahra asked if I could take her on boat for a night as she always dreamed during childhood to go on a boat ride with her love, in waters, only two of them away from noises and humdrum of everyday life, gazing at the stars and to feel the happiness of timeless eternity. I was definitely not harsh but I denied her wish, as I felt it’s very fancy. Now I feel it’s a simple wish that my wife asked.

TO BE CONTINUED.. …

The Wish (Part II)

Its not about "Coin-Richness"

How rich you feel today?

It's not about "Coin-Richness"

It’s not about “Coin-Richness”

Richness of life for me is how well we are celebrating our lives. It comes out of happiness. Of course, everybody has their own opinion about it. Whatever be it; brings great difference to that moment in life and you feel very special about yourselves either by offering or by attaining love of your dear ones.

Yes, I ‘m referring to that moment when you feel instant happy receiving a surprise from your dear one, that small compliment about your looks by your partner, that moment when he shows little concern for you not just when you both are together but also in front of your friends and relatives, that moment when silence speaks and seals the distance between you and your dear friend, that moment when you are remembered by your small niece, that moment when you get to meet your dear friend after a long time, that moment when you jump on road with your iPod listening to your favourite song, that moment you post your blog as a part of DPChallenege, that moment when you prepare complete meal for your mother and see the happiness in her eyes…..and many more. These are THE small moments to cherish as NO ONE can live as much as you can during these times.

How many such incidents did you offer to your dear ones today and how many did you enjoy?
At first let me recall, when my partner thanked me for the early breakfast, a lovely call from my mom, urgent call from my niece – saying she is missing me so much, shhhh.. surprise for my partner a week after for our third month wedding anniversary, I enjoyed new release by Shankar Tucker (I have to dedicate a whole blog section about how mad m about ST Sir and his team), I secretly enjoyed a tea with biscuits this morning, met Maddy last weekend visited her town.
Very often it happens we expect small things, things which can’t be asked but can be expected, mostly inexpensive, a small gesture or token of affection which gives immense satisfaction. And if more such incidents fill our lives, it becomes more interesting and enriching.

Remember to make your dear ones feel special, as if not you non one else can.

This thought of blog was triggered after listening to Jack Jhonson’s – wasting time. And I owe him a big thanks esp. for these wonderful lines:

“Oh but everybody thinks
That everybody knows
About everybody else
Nobody knows
Anything about themselves
Cause their all worried about everybody else”
Have a R.I.C.H Day!

Self-conflict

Self-conflict

‘I don’t like it’, the heart whispered

‘What’s wrong with you?’ the mind roared

‘That’s not my way’ the heart fought back

Think with my help and just hold back

Yes, things are done

And the smile is gone

Mind at peace

But Heart left its place

“Let me put you at ease”

Said the mind trying to please

“Feel the Happiness on your dear ones face

And accept the present with grace”

“Oh, what to do!” the heart grumbled

It said yes and it trembled

Mind at peace

But Heart left its place

Thinking it has no one to save

The fragile heart made up its mind to be brave

It decided to pay deaf ear

With pasted smile on face, it was all set to go infinitely far

Now the mind was at its service

As the heart gave it no other choice

Heart at Peace

And Mind Out Of Place

Whenever the mind tried to interrupt

The push from it was too abrupt

The heart started racing fast

Busy in making choices considering its past

When the heart believed it reached the finishing end

That’s when it found the road with another bend

Heart Out Of Place

As mind tookover the Peace

                                     -D.D

Best Friends are like –“one thinks and it strikes another..!”

I believe that friendship between best buddies happen because of the comfort level that they share along with some similar interests.

I met one such friend, a few years back while I was staying in a hostel. To be precise its in 2009-August. It was just like any other evening. I was standing in the queue with a plate in hands and waiting for my turn for the dinner to be severed.

My mate with whom I was standing whispered into my ears – ‘Look. Look at that girl’

Me- ‘The one who’s tall?’

My friend – ‘No, the one who is very fair and short. Do you know she also works in our company?’

I replied – ‘No’.

The queue was getting longer while this girl; whom my friend pointed was serving her own food and simultaneously chatting with our lady warden.  I vaguely remember, she enquired and suggested about different food items that hostel can supply. Not just me but everyone around laughed for funny explanation she gave. I just listened to her and observed what she was doing. Her plate had little of rice, and Dal all around, curry spread – some here and some there. She had bottle under her arms, a glass filled with butter milk in one hand – (which is mentioned that she will share with her roommate) and the plate in another.

‘Don’t you see how messy she is!’ My friend added. I just nodded my head…

She looked at me for some reason and winked naughtily and left running with her plate. Of course, the food along with the overflowing Dal has fallen that traced the path she went. Someone yelled at her pointing the floor and she said… ayyyaaaa – Cliché’ used by Maddy.

Yes – Her name is Maddy. She is my best buddy. I never felt she is an year younger to me. Her thoughts as beautiful as she is, she is smart, very kind, speaks only sense, grounded and she likes me so much :P. I know ‘m lucky to have a friend like Maddy. Don’t exactly remember when we became this close…*touchwood*

We share so much in common; right from pink-color-madness, shopping together, having coffee and talking about our backgrounds and every time we do; we can’t help wondering how similar we were brought up.

I remember learning many new things from her. One such good thing that I have seen and learnt from her was; how easily she gets adapted to any phase of life (*touchwood*). Her ambitions and her life taught me that one needs to be realistic to be happy. I cherish all the wonderful moments we spent together.

We meet thousands and millions of people in life, but a very few remain as the B.E.S.T part of our memories… ..

Miss you Messy Mighty Maddy!

On the day of Maddy’s Reception..!

My recent fantasies which were unknown to me…

I ‘m recently married, it’s been just 2 months now. Well, I’m girl who never really dreamt about post married life not that m not interested at all but I never pondered about it much.

My initial phase of post-married life is going good and also strange. Yes, strange yet pleasant. *Touchwood*. These days when I go out with my husband, I get new ideas which I never thought of  before; I unknowingly grip his hand around mine. I don’t say it’s something not good but I never thought I would…. Rarely he reminds me to take away my hand, might be when he feels its lil over-do on my end (he..he) and that’s when I realize.

In India when I usually take the public transport buses, I remember seeing woman who usually board the bus from front door will tell the conductor to collect the money for ticket from her husband ; who might have entered the bus from the rear end. And the woman looks at her man from a distance; indicating the conductor from which person he can take the money. I know I sound crazy.. But I really want to do this once, especially in crowded bus (he.. he 😀 ;)).

Coming to something related to cooking. I don’t believe in the phrase- “The way to reach man’s heart is through his stomach”. I never liked cooking “before wedding”. Half of my lifetime so far, I listened to my mom yelling at me; ‘Please learn how to cook and how to keep house tidy and they are very essential for any girl to live life. How can you survive otherwise?’ I always pretended that I accepted … of course I learnt a bit of cooking as well but really never cared much. Now-a-days I cook and I cook okay, mmm may be better than okay… And I just feel it as miracle. As I’m hooked on to cooking unknowingly. Of course, Experiments do fail but very rarely …

Ya..I agree, he is the better one to comment about it though. 🙂

One more such fantasy that I can recall is husband bringing flowers to his wife in the evening while returning from office (Very Indian way) I don’t want you to misinterpret with the idea of sending bouquet of flowers online… Not jus any flowers, look at the picture below :P. Not the whole lot though! This may sound real funny.   he he.. 😀 I hope one day he will 😉