The Wish (Part II)

Continuation of The wish (Part I)

The Wish

I was thrilled to crack the dream but was sad that I couldn’t accomplish when Zahra was alive.

I asked Ashok where I can get a boat for a night.
“That will cost us an arm and a leg grand pa but I can help you with a cheaper one, as my uncle owns a couple of boats which you can use for a few hours daily. By the way, do you know how to row a boat?” asked Ashok.

“I would also like to learn rowing a boat, as ‘m not an expert at it. But I need a first class boat at any cost.” I said.

He understood ‘m serious about it and said “I will try to get a decent boat for a low-price. May be you can at first practice on some cheaper boat.”

Ashok sounded promising which made me happy. And the idea also worked. After coming back from work I started directly going to the lake to practice rowing. For a week, my hands ached badly, as I was straining continuously. But the more I practiced the more I felt ‘m closer to live my dream. Slowly I developed rowing grip and it became a good hobby.

One fine morning; I took a break from work and approached Ashok’s uncle to hire a boat for one complete day. In return I paid him Rs.2000, from the savings I made for the last two months. I waited for the evening at the lake, watching the Sun hung in the sky like a copper ball and steadily dipping down. When the darkness is approaching slowly, I took my boat and started my ride. In no time, the sky in the night looked as though it was wrapped in the blanket full of stars. Now I have been rowing for an hour and got to the middle of the lake where no one’s around. With boat on waters, the sky above and I; really don’t know what I’m here for but deep-down my heart I‘m waiting for a miracle to happen. I ‘m feeling cold but it’s comforting, ‘m happy but nervous, ‘m ready to wait over-night but as well desperate. May be it’s just a dream, why did I take it so seriously wasting all the money for this foolish ride. May be not, I have to wait to know.

Out of nowhere I can now see two shooting stars. Well, when ‘m here to fulfil Zahra’s wish, what I can wish for. I ‘m missing Zahra and wanting an end to this loneliness. As the shooting stars passed by, I could see two stars winking at me, as though they are the same two stars which I always dreamed about. It’s almost 12 in the night and I know I can now head back. Ashok was waiting for me at the door steps. Neither he asked something nor did I tell where I have been to. I just thanked Ashok and said I had a great time today. “You look brighter and appear a few years younger” said Ashok. Well its nothing but the effect of moon light, I chuckled. We went to sleep after talking for some time.

I slept that night happily feeling Zahrh’s hand on my stomach and her right leg on mine.
I ‘m not awaiting dream tonight, as I know our worlds are going to meet soon.

-D.D

The Wish… (Part 1)

World means nothing without you.

I’m going to receive my first pay, after a long time. And ‘m happier when compared to the day I got my first salary at the age of 20. That day I know I will remember each and every moment along with its date- Jan 31st 1952. I did my first job as a clerk in a government office, in Mumbai-India. And I offered my first salary to the God as my mother told. After 50 years, I ‘m again awaiting my first pay but today ‘m longing to have proper meal with that money.  After straining every nerve since morning, I find it tough to stand on my 70 year old legs.  I‘m working for some construction works, as a daily wage worker. Currently standing in front of my owner’s office; which is right on the main road. There are four people in the queue ahead of me and another two behind to collect the wages. My stomach is growling with hunger. I can sense that the person behind me can listen to the noises in my stomach as he was looking at my belly and face. Not sure where I will go to have my food tonight. Wherever be it, it’s going to be a feast. I was pushed by some person on road and ‘m brought back to reality.

Since the owner is receiving continuous calls, the queue is moving slow. Seeing the people around, I realized ‘m actually overjoyed. After waiting for almost an hour in queue finally my turn has come. As though my father bought a balloon when I was a kid or I ‘m on trip to the mountains (which I like the most), happily received the pay. I wish I could share this happiness with someone. I looked at the sky and tried to find the gleaming eyes of my wife in those shining stars.

Its 8 P.M, where to go? I know I can’t head to a five star hotel with the 350 bucks that ‘m carrying. But as I looked at my tattered clothes, I felt even if I step into any decent hotel, they may as well call me to come from rear entrance to offer leftover food. I was looking at every possible hotel to have dinner. I found a vendor preparing Dosai (made out of rice and black gram batter) on a moving cart. I asked for 3 dosas and mentioned I may need more. For which the vendor said, “As many you want, provided you can pay for them all”. I noticed people having dosas sitting on the big rocks which are randomly spread at the side of the moving cart. I too joined them and had my dinner. I went back to the same slum to sleep in my cozy shed. As its cold outside, I thanked myself for buying a blanket and pair of clothes, with whatever money I had till yesterday.

During night, I dreamed about my wife. In the dream, my wife Zahra is still in her mid-forties, she looked very beautiful with her bright smile in the reflection of moon light. She was definitely happy and wishing for something looking at the sky. I can only see but couldn’t hear anything, not even I could listen to the breeze that was blowing her hair, crisscrossing her face. At the end of the dream, from her lip-movement I could make out that she said, “World means nothing without you”. I woke up suddenly from my dream. I know I can’t sleep anymore. I had to question myself why ‘m I alive in my 70s? I have neither wife nor children and not even a house. The memories of childhood, the early days after wedding, and the affection of my wife flashed in front of my eyes. But the recent floods washed away my priceless possessions, my wife and my house in which every room and every wall reflects the remembrances. May be I can re-build the house but it can never be the same, hence I dropped the idea of going back to my place. I felt there is some purpose for this living-life, as I’m driving myself to live in spite of a lacklustre routine.

Next day onwards I started working in the first shift, so I started my day quite early, at 7:00 A.M. Had my breakfast at the same moving cart and headed to work, reached the work area at 7:30 A.M. I’m involved in counting and carrying the bricks from the truck and stacking them at the construction site. I have three more people with me who are doing similar job. Out of the other three folks, a person is of my age. We instantly became friends, when we met yesterday as we had common topics to discuss, nothing personal that we shared till now. And in the afternoon he asked if I would like to visit his house for lunch. When I was hesitating a bit, he mentioned that, I can pay for my food. His wife provides food services taking money, to the workers during afternoons. I went there and had proper meal and got back to work. I worked for a few more hours and started back to home at 3:30 P.M after collecting daily wage.

My home as I said before is a small shed, which I’m sharing with two other young folks. These folks found me at the flooded area and decided to help me. I came along with them to live in this small town called Ajra which even belongs to Maharashtra.  Once I reach home, I sit and relax on a wrecked chair, watching the people on market-road from the window. I don’t know from when but I started waiting for the evenings, just to get a glimpse of Zahra in my dreams. If I don’t get sleep I feel desperate that I may miss to meet her in my dreams. More than the dream, I want to decipher those spoken-but-not-heard words of her. When I go to bed, I can feel my wife’s hand around me and touch of right leg over mine. At times, after I sleep I could listen to her whispering – “World means nothing without you”.

The routine went on. And after a month, one day my manager at work called me, asking if I would like to go to town and work. As the construction work here, is almost coming to an end and a new project is starting in Kerla- Thekkady(South India). I was skeptical to accept, but I said yes. In a weeks’ time I ‘m travelling in a bus to reach Thekkady. With the address in hand, I went on foot to find the Construction Site. The construction site is near to the Lake and I really liked it at the first site. I joined my co-workers and started working from day one. One night I noticed, I stopped dreaming about my wife after coming to this new place, which made me feel very lonely. I happened to meet a new friend here by name Ashok. Ashok is 15 years old, who was also working along with me in the construction work and goes to school in the night for his studies. Recently his parents passed away which brought him here. Though his Uncle and Aunt were ready to support, he wanted to live independently. We both were working for the same apartment’s construction and were let to stay under the roof of partially constructed flat.  At times we both go to enjoy the Lake view in the evenings after dinner and from there Ashok leaves to his night school. After he leaves, I remain gazing at the stars and trying to break the mystery of my dream.

One day in our room, I dozed off watching the stars and without closing the doors and windows. Next morning I was caught with fever. I couldn’t work for next two days. Ashok took care of me, as though ‘m his grand pa; always helping and asking me if I need something. Still I felt and very lonely. I was angry with Zahra, angry as she left me alone, angry as she doesn’t visit me anymore in my dreams, angry as I find it tough to live without her. Though I recovered from fever in two days, I had trouble in getting back to my work. After a few days, I again got a dream. But this time, I could see myself alone staring at the sky intently. I was so engrossed watching it, as I could see Zahra’s face in the Moon. She was calling me and wanted me to come along with her for a boat ride. At last I could listen to her voice, which said- “will you please come home early today?” And the clouds slowly swept the Moon due to which I woke up suddenly shouting Zahra’s name. Ashok came to me running, comforting that everything is fine.

I kept thinking about the dream until next morning. And then slowly I recalled an incident from our past. During our mid-forties, Zahra asked if I could take her on boat for a night as she always dreamed during childhood to go on a boat ride with her love, in waters, only two of them away from noises and humdrum of everyday life, gazing at the stars and to feel the happiness of timeless eternity. I was definitely not harsh but I denied her wish, as I felt it’s very fancy. Now I feel it’s a simple wish that my wife asked.

TO BE CONTINUED.. …

The Wish (Part II)

Self-conflict

Self-conflict

‘I don’t like it’, the heart whispered

‘What’s wrong with you?’ the mind roared

‘That’s not my way’ the heart fought back

Think with my help and just hold back

Yes, things are done

And the smile is gone

Mind at peace

But Heart left its place

“Let me put you at ease”

Said the mind trying to please

“Feel the Happiness on your dear ones face

And accept the present with grace”

“Oh, what to do!” the heart grumbled

It said yes and it trembled

Mind at peace

But Heart left its place

Thinking it has no one to save

The fragile heart made up its mind to be brave

It decided to pay deaf ear

With pasted smile on face, it was all set to go infinitely far

Now the mind was at its service

As the heart gave it no other choice

Heart at Peace

And Mind Out Of Place

Whenever the mind tried to interrupt

The push from it was too abrupt

The heart started racing fast

Busy in making choices considering its past

When the heart believed it reached the finishing end

That’s when it found the road with another bend

Heart Out Of Place

As mind tookover the Peace

                                     -D.D

Best Friends are like –“one thinks and it strikes another..!”

I believe that friendship between best buddies happen because of the comfort level that they share along with some similar interests.

I met one such friend, a few years back while I was staying in a hostel. To be precise its in 2009-August. It was just like any other evening. I was standing in the queue with a plate in hands and waiting for my turn for the dinner to be severed.

My mate with whom I was standing whispered into my ears – ‘Look. Look at that girl’

Me- ‘The one who’s tall?’

My friend – ‘No, the one who is very fair and short. Do you know she also works in our company?’

I replied – ‘No’.

The queue was getting longer while this girl; whom my friend pointed was serving her own food and simultaneously chatting with our lady warden.  I vaguely remember, she enquired and suggested about different food items that hostel can supply. Not just me but everyone around laughed for funny explanation she gave. I just listened to her and observed what she was doing. Her plate had little of rice, and Dal all around, curry spread – some here and some there. She had bottle under her arms, a glass filled with butter milk in one hand – (which is mentioned that she will share with her roommate) and the plate in another.

‘Don’t you see how messy she is!’ My friend added. I just nodded my head…

She looked at me for some reason and winked naughtily and left running with her plate. Of course, the food along with the overflowing Dal has fallen that traced the path she went. Someone yelled at her pointing the floor and she said… ayyyaaaa – Cliché’ used by Maddy.

Yes – Her name is Maddy. She is my best buddy. I never felt she is an year younger to me. Her thoughts as beautiful as she is, she is smart, very kind, speaks only sense, grounded and she likes me so much :P. I know ‘m lucky to have a friend like Maddy. Don’t exactly remember when we became this close…*touchwood*

We share so much in common; right from pink-color-madness, shopping together, having coffee and talking about our backgrounds and every time we do; we can’t help wondering how similar we were brought up.

I remember learning many new things from her. One such good thing that I have seen and learnt from her was; how easily she gets adapted to any phase of life (*touchwood*). Her ambitions and her life taught me that one needs to be realistic to be happy. I cherish all the wonderful moments we spent together.

We meet thousands and millions of people in life, but a very few remain as the B.E.S.T part of our memories… ..

Miss you Messy Mighty Maddy!

On the day of Maddy’s Reception..!

Good-bye leaves everyone with good amount of pain..

Life is a journey. We are like the riders of BIG BUS. If the person, who is waiting for your BUS is holding the right ticket (right attitude according to you), you may allow him to get in to your BUS (Your Life).But you cannot choose his stop. You have to let go him after some time, even if you don’t want to say Good bye.

Have you ever felt the pain while saying good bye to your dear ones and especially to your mom every time you leave from home after a vacation? Yes, I’m talking about the same pain which starts at heart and spreads till the tips of your fingers. This pain knocks you down emotionally. It hurts in such a way that it weakens whole body. Trust me, saying Good Bye when you don’t want to say, is the most helpless situation you can ever face in life. That moment we can only wish that; the world could remain stand still, so that we can never say good bye.

These are the few incidents when I felt very helpless and lifeless in my life:

When I was in 7th standard, my sister had to leave our town for her higher education. While my mom was packing her stuff, I happened to look at the cupboard which myself and my sis used to share; which then turned half empty. The thought of next day without my sister at home made me feel lifeless and then the first heart breaking bye. I was alone while going to bus stop and school. Still my life didn’t stop and it went on…!!! Even now when I think about that moment she left, I just wish to wipe the past and try to imagine we were together always.

The next blow in my life was; I was 14 years old when my parents said good bye and left me in hostel. The hostel building was huge and the rooms were dark and small. I had two of my friends who joined in hostel with me but nothing can be like being at home with parents. I still remember, looking down from second floor through the window of my room, I saw many girls of my age; few were happy giggling with their friends, few introducing themselves and knowing others and few were like me; looking at others and wondering; ‘what’s this new world away from home is all like!’.

Every time I need to leave from my home town after vacation, I feel as though I have a heavy stone at the place of my heart. I keep looking at my mom from every angle possible whishing that; the moment lasts forever. As the clock ticks every second, the pain of parting hits me much harder. I get into the train cursing that it has come on time while listening to the ‘Dos and Don’ts’ from my mom. I just can’t take away my eyes from her till I can’t see her waving hand anymore even after peeping from the running train widow. After that…. I just can’t fight back my tears anl can’t stop felling helpless…

Life greets you in different ways; introducing you to different people; the best buddy in your life to the person on road who smiles at you coincidentally.

Life offers you the best but it also grabs away the same very soon. May be because it feels jealous seeing you happy feel ther may be because it feels that; only you can’t have all the fun and happiness. Don’t you feel the same?

Surprisingly the same implies even with the lifeless things around us… Here I go, with small example. It’s my first onsite trip to China which offered me to experience many more first-time-experiences. First time I boarded a flight, first time I saw the cab driver, holding my name plate at the airport, first time I met and worked with foreigners, first time I cooked for myself on my own, first time I rented a house, first time I paid my electricity bill, first time I led a team, first time I experienced the panic seeing the fire in kitchen, first time I experienced loneliness for long hours staying alone at home, first time I got into metro, first time I experienced the strange pride while walking on Shangai streets, first time I experienced negative temperature and the list goes on… After five months staying in a house alone and coming back to India, at the last hour, all of a sudden I happened to stop by and looked around the house. I felt the walls dimmer than any other day and the house gloomy as though it’s sad that I’m leaving. As I looked outside from the wide window, I felt pang of pain in my stomach, that I ‘m leaving the house with which I shared my happiness, sorrows and which was with me observing, from my day one in China and protected me in many ways.

I just wonder, how ‘m I still alive even after undergoing this irresistible pain from parting many times. But now I realized, though the pain lasts forever; every time it attacks it also makes you stronger. After all, you have to be ready for the next blow.

Dedicated to all the people who made me laugh, smile, happy, good, proud, beautiful and especially to MY MOM… and of course to the places that I visited; which have been silently with me and danced according to the rhythm of my mood swings while accepting me as I am.

I wish the time rolls back and we all can relive our memories.
– D.D

My experiences with Strangers!

When you step out of your house, or look around while walking on roads, if you are in shop or in a bus, even for that matter if you are flying in a plane and of course right now, what’s something common apart from you?
There is at least a stranger; a person whom u donno at all – around you.
Isn’t it strange at times how we bump into someone whom we donno at all. A person whom we thought a stranger turns into a savior and then into a friend.

I would like to share one such indecent that happened to me. Its 7:30 A.M when I started to office. It’s a quiet morning, people going for morning walk, ladies chit chatting just after sending their kids to school and I was walking towards bus stop. Then I see suddenly three dogs running towards me which were till then quietly laying on their back. Immediately I shouted and gripped one of the ladies hands, I closed my eyes completely and said ‘m scared of dogs, please help me. I opened my eyes after a while to realize those dogs where running towards a dog which I didn’t observe before and it was behind me. Since then the lady always smiles looking at me and we exchange some words now and then.
At times we meet strangers who are just way too much annoying.

To buttress my point, let me share with you all another incident. One day I was going in a train to Chennai from Bangalore for an official purpose. Knowing that right from Day 1 it’s going to be hectic, I was trying hard to catch up with some sleep. The moment I dozed off, lady beside me started poking with her finger on my shoulder. When I opened my eyes, the lady almost kept her face into mine and asked –‘Just keep an eye on my bag’, as she had to wash her hands after having breakfast’ How annoying K
Had it ever happen to you that you had to trust a stranger, in spite of remembering; “Mom says – Not to talk with strangers”?

It was April afternoon; when I reached UK, a cab driver in Birmingham picked me at airport; who was very polite and nice talking. He drove me to my hotel and helped me with my luggage till doorsteps of the hotel. To my dismay, the hotel was closed that time. Luckily I had the contact number of the hotel person, when I called them up; they apologized for the inconvenience and informed that it would be open after an hour. I called up my teammates but they didn’t pick up my call since they were in meeting. I didn’t know what to do. I was shivering with cold, its drizzling and more over no shelter under which I can wait and I was carrying 30 kgs of luggage.

I returned the cell to the cab driver. He understood the situation and said, “Young lady, I can’t leave you at door steps. Please get into my taxi, I will be honored to take you for first ride in Cheltenham.” I looked into his eyes and agreed readily. He showed me the important places and after a while took me to his house. He opened the car door and asked me come in and I denied. Next moment I kept hands on my ears, closed my eyes and stopped breathing and started yelling – please take away these dogs frm me. I ‘m scared of dogs. Please Please.” After 2 minutes, he took away the dogs forcefully from me and locked them in the backyard. This time, his wife came and asked me to come in. We had a general talk for 15 minutes and then the cab driver took me back to the hotel. I was moved by his kindness but all I could say was ‘Thank You’ and for which he replied, ‘I’m Simon. You can call me Grand Pa if you see me around’. I was so pleased with Old man’s attitude towards a stranger and thought;
In this world we shuffle from place to place meeting heaps of people, may be it depends on our luck to find a special friend in a stranger but never forget even your attitude counts.
“Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success will be how you treat other people – your family, friends, and coworkers, and even strangers you meet along the way. “

Oxymoron that I also believe in, Strangers always need not be ppl whom you donno.

Are you living your dream or living in dreams?

 “Follow your dream where ever it takes you to, as that’s the journey you would love to be part of.”-D.D – These words always ring in my ear when I think of dreams-coming-true-in-my-life.

Do we live all the dreams that we wish to?

At first, let me share my childhood dreams:

If someone asked me in my childhood, “what you want to become when you grow up?”, I used to say even without a pause; “A doctor”.  Well ‘m still Dr.D but only in dreams.

 I remember the situation when I held my mom’s hand tight and with tears rolling out from my eyes seeing an old lady in front of temple in tattered clothes and miserably lying on street. That day the coin that my mom gave me to offer to the God, I remember giving to that lady while going back to home from temple. That’s the day, I dreamt to see India with NO poverty.

My other dreams are, to read all the books that so far published in the world and to express in BOOKS all my views about this world and to the world.

My silly dream would be, to meet SRK one day. I know I will. 😉  To work from B-44 of Infy (crazy dream infact). To build 7 houses, each one in a different rainbow color to move from one to another whenever I get bored with that color. (Wild childhood dream;P and believe me not a fantasy at all!).

At times reality takes the shape of memories or dreams, in my case it’s listening to my father’s goodnight wishes before going to bed daily.And I miss him.

Well, don’t come into a wrong conclusion that I lived so far only in dreams. Here I go with the best moments of my life where I lived / live to the fullest: After 10 years staying away from home, I ‘m again living with mom in Bengaluru and ‘m loving it. The other dreams that I lived would be, when I got into flight for the first time in my life, while flying to China. When I cheered kids, during my recent visit to an orphanage. When one of my articles got published in The Hindu during my college days. When I topped thrice in my college, consecutively. When I received my first Salary in Infy. When I gave my first speech in Infy Toastmasters (after almost eight years I got onto stage that day.) When I received 4 prices in KTDM Club (on the same day), for indoors games that they conducted during my teens. When I got a mark more than my sis in tenth board. (This one is just to tease my sister who is damn good at studies and has great IQ. ) When I recently visited Stratford-Upon-Avon and called my mom to say- ‘Your lil D is at Shakespeare’s Birthplace mom’. When every time my niece asks me to sing a lullaby and I sing to help her sleep. Most of all, the wonderful people whom I met in life and with whom I share the joy of success and true happiness.

These are few of the best moments in my life which I treasure most. However small they are they mean a lot to me as those are the times I enjoyed/enjoy my life to the fullest and when I look back at them I know I was in lime light.

I know there are times when you enjoy your day to day life. But at times the truth bothers you and scares you being away from your dreams. The shades of your hope get darker and darker, right in front of you.  It makes you feel so alarmed that you end up living not even in dreams. Read my recent blog – ‘The ignored’ which states what if the ignored dreams could speak.

Few random questions to you: But how often do you get time to concentrate on your interests in life when you have to stay focus with work at your hand? What do you do, when you know you are bound to leave your dream as you are diverting yourself away from it? Would you still say YES, when you know you have to say NO to the present to live your dream in real? Do you take the pain of choking your dreams to death or would prefer to sacrifice everything possible just to enjoy living your dream? Above all, will you live in dreams to make others live theirs? I will let you answer these questions to yourself.

In my opinion; YOUR DREAMS WILL COME CHASING U, WHEN U LIVE THE LIFE THE WAY U WANT. – D.D